He plays a rather hirsute Artemis brought up on the Irish fairy tales of his namesake father (Colin Farrell, wasted once again). For balance, fresh talent Ferda Shaw makes for an engaging enough lead. Less still remains to show what it was that made Colfer’s books so successful in the first place. Precious little here stands apart from the overcrowded sea that it fantasy filmmaking for juniors these days. What’s left can only alienate Fowl’s long term following but hardly creates an alternative worth jumping on to for newcomers. Colfer’s edges are blunted with remarkable abandon, his first two novels mashed into a mush of over produced picture porridge. Working from a script by Conor McPherson and Hamish McColl, director Kenneth Branagh presents an Artemis Fowl so far removed from the original text that one might go so far as to assume that they adapt only the blurb. When it comes to re-writing the law, bravery meets lunacy. As far as tweaking is concerned, film and literature are different medias and so demand adaptation. How Hollywood can continue its abject failure to recognise the faithfulness that drove the successes of Harry Potter, The Hunger Games and even Twilight boggles the mind.
In a handbook of how not to adapt best-selling franchise novels, Artemis Fowl joins The Golden Compass and Stormbreaker in failing to translate the essence of its source.
Perhaps the most criminal failing of Artemis Fowl - bar the inherent lack of criminality to be found in its realisation of the titular boy antihero - is the obviousness with which the film falls flat. What should have been ‘Die Hard with fairies’ hits the ground heavily as National Treasure with tweens. The result is predictably bland fantasy inaction.
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Indeed, was the writing not on the wall when those high up announced its shift to a digital only release? And this following trailers so dispiriting that fans of the beloved Eoin Colfer book series from which the film originated screeched blasphemy. No end of spinning has proven a particularly convincing argument that Disney hasn’t lost faith in Artemis Fowl.
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